Fifty Shades Of Messed Up
by RareRaven
Summary: Five long years ago Anastasia found out she could never be the submissive Christian Grey needed. So she left leaving everything behind and moved to new York where she got the news of being pregnant. She worked tiredly as an underpaid waitress and lived with roommates until she got hired by Mason's Publishing. She's now VP and has to go on a business trip will she run into Christian
1. Chapter 1

**okay this is my very first time posting anything for anyone to read, so please be nice. I have notebooks upon notebooks full of ideas but I'm often to chicken to share. I have some ideas stored from other books some from here. I take no ownership of anything but the way its worded and how it will turn out in the end. This is all I have typed for now but I hope you like it.**

 **Please comment I look foward to reading them.**

5 years ago

Ana's POV

"Christian...I'm sorry...but I can't be everything you want me to be, everything you need." I choked out over the phone. My lungs were burning an my throat kept constricting with every heart breaking sob.

"Ana please don't do this, we...we can make it work, I can change..I can't lose you." His voice sounded choppy and labored and it tore deep into my soul.

 _*MY FIFTY SHADES*_ I cried but this had to be done. Tonight with the belt and the way he reacted to my pain was just too much. I could never be that person, I could never be the sub he needed.

"No Christian.. Were finished, I never want to see you EVER again" I said sternly before quickly hanging up and dug my sim card out of the backing and shoved it into my wallet. He was probably already trying to track me, to win me back, to safely tuck me inside Escala. I couldn't go back to my apartment, I couldn't go to Ray's or my mother's. My only choice was to get far away from Seattle, far away from Christian Grey and never look back.

The taxi driver dropped me off at little motel 6, I grabbed my only suitcase which held maybe a weeks worth of clothes, some spare cash and my photographs of every evening spent with Christian.

I paid cash the less I used my credit card the better the less likelihood of him finding me. When Dr. Flynn said I could never fill that spot I broke, I had to leave I had to do what's best for Christian, and for myself.

I jolted with a start. "Not that fucking dream again" I hissed at myself and raked my hand through my unruly bed head.

"Mommy...where are you? Theo cried out from his room.

* _SHIT_ * "I'm coming baby boy, just give me a moment." I called back hoping for just a second to regather myself there was no way I could let my son see me like this.

Its been 5 years since I last spoke to the man known as Christian Grey or any of the Grey's for that matter. It wasn't until a month later I found out I was pregnant with his child, I half tempted to call and them him but my self conscious won that battle so I kept it a secret. It was difficult managing being pregnant alone without any insurance to go to monthly doctor visits because I couldn't afford it on my waitressing job while I waited back to hear from various Publisher's on my Resumes which weren't that detailed I was fresh out of college with no clients trying to make it in the big apple. It was by far a tough pregnancy. the constant pain, the bed rest and being called "high risk" is enough to scare anyone.

It want until I was pretty well into my second trimester that I got the call I had been waiting for Mason's Publishing was willing to take a chance on me. I had half expected to see an older man sitting behind the desk but was shocked but sorta relived when i first saw Maria. She was quick to offer me the job and was even there for me when i called her sobbing and in pain when i had to go in for an Emergency C-section. Theodore was not getting enough air and it had to be done to save his life. i glanced over at my bedstand table, my tear stained cheeks when they finally laid my little boy in my arms made it all worth while no matter the pain, or stretch marks or scars.

I quickly threw my hair up into a messy bun an hurried my way into his room where he made a failed attempt at dressing himself. His pants were on backwards, his socks were on his hands and his shirt was the one he wore yesterday.

"Look mommy, all by myself." he said giddy as he held out his little arms. He looked mighty pleased with himself an i couldn't deny him that he had tried.

The familar ringing of my work cell phone brought me out of my daze and i groaned heavily, Why was Maria dragging me off on some business trip to Saint Tropez when i could stay happily right here with my son and watch his favorite cartoons.

"Mahria." he giggled as i hurried ran for the phone knowing she would just end up at my apartment disgusted because I wasn't even packed yet.

"Mrs. David will be there in 20 minutes to pick up Theo, she already has Briana my car will be for you in 30 minutes and I will meet you at the airport." She said quickly before hanging up no hello or goodbye, but that's the way she was until she had a few drinks in her. I guess four divorces could do that to a girl.

"Mommy are you okay?" he asked peeking his head out of his room.

"Of course Hunny just trying to think of how much fun your gonna have with Bri this week." i said happily trying to lift his spirits.

I hurried my dance threw the kitchen in our normal breakfast routine of reheated baked oatmeal and sliced apples. I glaced down at my toned stomach not an inch of fat, it was easy losing my pregnancy weight I even weighted less then before. My body was fit and a fighting machine, the self defence classes were really paying off, they kept me active and they kept us safe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Guy's thank so much for the reviews, I do plan on finishing it just for the record, I plan on making it different and updating often. Also to make my chapters longer as many of you have requested I'm going to have to mix point of views, till we get going that is.**

 **The reason Ana chose to use a Grey name will show its self later on.**

 **As always thank you and I hope you like my next installment.**

 **Christian POV**

My penthouse was quite...too quite. All the places that once reminded me of her shut and locked, hell I couldn't even go into my own bedroom without seeing her curled up in a ball sleeping, or walking around in my boxers.

*Don't fucking go there Grey* I hissed at myself. Your the one who pushed her too soon, your to blame.

Hell I tried to rid her from my life nothing worked. I tried a new submissive and got rid of her within a day, even Elena couldn't satisfy me I recoiled from her touch which shocked us both, I couldn't stand it and haven't contacted her since.

Its been five fucking years, you'd think I could get over her, but I knew it was a dying battle. I loved her, but she didn't share the same feelings. My heart still tight at the memory of our break-up, she choose the perfect time to do it that's for sure.

*hell she probably planned it that way, to get away from me the monster* I run a shaky hand threw my hair and stare at the cloudy grey Seattle skyline it matched my current mood bleak and depressed.

I tried for months to find her, but Welch came up with nothing. She was good at hiding herself from me she must have known I would be looking trying everything in my power to get her back, to just hold her again. I curled my fist and with one swipe knocked everything from my desk, pens flying in every direction, papers scattering into a disarray, and my laptop landed on its screen. I didn't care anymore Ros could run my company and I could just sulk in silence feeling sorry for my fucked up self.

"Mr. Grey." Gail called out from my office door probably coming to check on the noise. My staff had been overly worried of my mental health the first few weeks, Taylor was up my ass, Gail purposely made food so I would eat, Bastille scheduled me in for more sessions which I commonly put him on his ass my rage often consuming me spurring me into compete darkness.

"Come in." I called looking sheepish at the mess I created on the floor. Surly I could just dismiss her and clean it myself.

The door burst open with an energetic Mia an Kate. They glaced at the mess on the floor but one glare from me had them shut their mouths about it. *fuck the trip to France Mia planed* I rolled my eyes in agitation this was not going to go well in my favor, I had planned to "excuse" myself from the trip but now it looked less likely of a chance.

"Christian why are you not ready yet, we leave in like two hours...Gail said your not even packed yet." Mia whined crossing her arms as she glared back at me clearly not scared of me.

'I have an important business meeting Mia, I can't make it" I hate liers but I wanted anything to get me out of this.

"Oh no you don't Christian Trevelyan Grey!" She hissed threw gritted teeth shaking her finger at me. " You are not ditching us."

"For fucks sake Mia its my jet..." I grip the edges of my chair trying to channel some of the anger into this "meaning it doesn't leave without me!" I growl back at her threw my gritted teeth. Damn she could get on my nerves.

"Yes but with your delicate schedule, we would have been thinking you were rushing us around..hell I'm even packed already!" She shouts back at me, her face turning a bright shade of red.

"Damn it Mia I'll be ready in 5 minutes." I snarl at her and pick up my BlackBerry quickly emailing Andrea I was leaving town and to call if she needed me.

I stalk to my bedroom, Gail was already packing my stuff up in suitcases. I really should give her another raise the things she puts up with from me, hell all my staff need a raise. *why the hell did I agree to go oh right, Because your sister asked, your brothers tying the knot and not to mention your the best man* Mia had insisted I could use a getaway to "relax" what ever that meant.

I make my way towards the garage where the back doors of the SUV are opened Mia and Kate already drinking champagne and giggling like school girls. I grab the keys to the A8 from Taylor's out stretched hand mouthing him a silent Thank You.

"Mr. Grey should I follow you?" He looks at me with a stern face, warning me to stay safe.

I manage a fake smile before peeling out all screeching tires and screaming engine. Sometimes my need for speed calmed my racing thoughts, I used to thinking could outrun her shadow always lurking in my head today apparently wasn't the case.

I once reprimanded Ana for reckless driving, ah the way her eyes flashed to me when I called her by her full name I was pissed she was always putting herself at risk its quite amazing she lasted that long. *fuck what if she's dead.* I grip the steering wheel tighter *no her parents would have called Kate, she would have told me.*

I sped under their terminal at Sea Tac and screech my tires fish tailing to a stop in front of the valet. He looks surprised and bewildered when I toss the keys at him. "Taylor will be here shortly" I mutter climbing the steps waving the attendant off as I stalk my way back to my private room, surly I can lose myself in the flight.

Ana's POV

The seven hour flight wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be, I guess it also helped that Maria had a private jet thanks to husband number two. I was able to sleep through most of it but my mind couldn't help but wander to my son. I was never this far away from him, let alone across sea's but he couldn't come on a trip like this he was far to young.

But not young enough to know he didn't have a father, I dreaded the day he asked. How was I going to tell him that his dad was Christian Grey? How would I explain to him why he wasn't in the picture? Sometimes I question my rash choice of leaving him, but in the end it was always the best...for the both of us. Heaven knows he didn't want children or at least not right away, he didn't want them to have a messed up childhood like himself, I understood his reason's in some odd way.

We finally land and whisked away by yet another hired car curtsey of Maria. She always had to have the best when going out. Her excuse was everyone's always watching and with a company name like hers she couldn't stand for second best.

"So when's the first meeting?" I ask hoping to have time to shower and change. I glance out the windows as we pass various hotel, rich men with woman draped on their arms clearly looking for a big paycheck.

A slow grin spread across her face" well...there are no meetings, this is more of a getaway for us but I knew you would refuse to come...so I lied." She shrugged her shoulders her eyes practically glowing.

"Maria." I gasp anger overwhelming me, how could she even do this to me.

"Oh suck it up Steele, you'll thank me later." She smiled brushing it off like it was nothing.

I shake my head in disbelief. This was her idea of a getaway! Taking me to one of the richest beaches in the world, a number one travel destination for the rich and famous. *there's no way I'm going to possibly fit in here* sure my paychecks were nice I was able to pay off my loans, get insurance just in time for Theo's birth, live in a semi upscale apartment all while keeping Christian in the dark.

"I...I didn't even bring the right clothes." I mutter at her

I watch her smile and know it been already taken care of. "Trust me Ana your gonna be the hottest VP on the beach." She replied patting my leg in encouragement.

I groan and roll my eyes at her, yet again she has surprised me. I pull at them hem of my sweater as we pull up to our hotel. I haven't stayed in something this nice since...*NO* I shake my head trying to rid myself of the memories threatening to surface, biting the inside of my cheek to avoid the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.

 **Sorry for the ending like that I lost part of a document but had this ready. Hope its longer and I hope everyone enjoys. Since I'm rewriting the next part on my laptop and not paper it should be up sooner.**

 **Feel free to check out my other works though as of now there's only one.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Since some of you have said this is similar to another writers writing time for a change. In no way was I hoping to copy another writer but I'm switching it now. So please be with me I apologize in advance for the longer updates.**

I will not let the past run my life anymore, it's over and done with… he's probably moved on to the next Sub someone who could meet his needs. I force a smile and toss my hair over my shoulder *Here's to the new and braver Ana* My jaw drops when I finally realize we're here, When Maria stays somewhere its got to be the best and she's defiantly proven my theory.

"I got us the Suite Riviera, I had to out pay some big CEO which cost a fortune so I hope you don't mind sharing." She beams at me, as she gracefully climbed out of the car the cameras following her every move as she sashayed into the Lobby.

I put on my brave Ana face and half stumble out of the car landing hard on my hands and knee's. *fuck me and my clumsiness.* I hiss at myself and take count of my surroundings hoping no one caught that. Everyone still seemed interested in Maria so this time I was safe, and out of the light.

A gentle hand laid on my shoulder as I slowly lifted my eyes to his face. His eyes were full of concern and his mouth was set into a hard line. "Are you okay miss?"

I felt my blood heat and rise to my cheeks as I duck my head embarrassed lowering my eyes back to the ground. "Umm…yes I'm fine." I stammer and quickly climb to my feet brushing my black slacks off and readjusting my sweater.

Eager to put as much space in between me and him I hurry in after Maria whose putting her charm to the manager who seems lost in the depth of her eyes.

"Can you please bring us a bottle of your best bubbly to the Riveria." She smiled and passed him a wad of cash. He simply nodded his head and hurried off probably in search of whatever was the best.

"Come, come we have to go get changed." she giggled and pulled me into the elevator. "oh your going to love the dress, or at least you better love the dress." She grinned and drug me into the spacious living room all the windows were open and the white drapes fluttered in the soft breeze, you could hear the giggling of people down below and the pounding of the latest hip hop song.

"Maria I really just want to stay in tonight, I'll go out tomorrow I promise." She scowls at me disappointment written all over her face. I knew I couldn't say no to her she replaced Kate after I avoided all contact with her, but I had to leave Kate behind if Christian had ever found out it would be like World War III. She was the only friend I had left and I would be damned if I had lost her too.

"Ana ever since we met you've been warding yourself off of men, you need to embrace your hot mommy body…be one with it."

"I have not!" I exclaimed and defiantly crossed my arms.

"Oh please lets see there's the Senator, our rival publishing company's son, and your ex what's his name….oh yeah Christian Grey."

I stared at her in disbelief "that was you!" I half scream at her. I knew Christian looked for me maybe at first but I really didn't think anything of it. Him and his stalking capabilities would have been relentless until he gave up and moved on.

I groaned in submission and gave her my best glare to show my unhappiness. No one could ever say no to Maria "Where's my room again?" I ask desperate to get out of the business casual outfit I was currently in.

She shirked in delight "Down the hall to the left." She pointed and took off to her room, most likely to climb into another 500 dollar dress. Heaven forbid she wear the same thing twice for once.

I sulk my way to my room and flop onto the bed. *This is so not going as I had expected it to.* I was over 3,000 miles away from my son on a vacation and my thoughts kept wondering back to my old life. *would it be wrong of me to try an contact Kate? To try to make her understand? What she must be doing by now married to Elliot for sure, and with kids if I knew Kate.* Tears streamed out of the corner of my eyes and onto the bed. *oh you really fucked up Ana*

I quickly slide out of my clothes and glance at the dress she picked out for me. A skimpy gold colored strapless thing that barley cover my butt and left nothing to the men's imagination when it came to my breast. *Defiantly not mommy clothes.* I sighed heavily and threw part of my hair up leaving the rest down. I slip on a pair of matching flat sandals, grab my clutch and head back for the living room.

As if on cue Maria is already standing there holding two glasses of champegaue. "Here's to the best Vice President and Friend I have ever had." She smiled toasting me.

She gulps hers down greedily as I take careful sips of mine *someone has to stay semi sober tonight.* I sigh and link arms with her as we head down to the massive midnight beach party.

Within minutes she's had guys at her feet begging her to dance with them like love sick puppy dogs, and she was more then happy to oblige to half of them. She did not need another husband so soon and I was going to make sure she didn't make a mistake she was going to regret.

Hundreds of bodies grated together in dance, people were laughing and sipped on cocktails. I let myself work through the crowds drink my Oasis till I was standing near the waves the water lapping at my feet. I stared out into the dark horizon my mind drifting back to happier times. *Will I ever get over him* I hiss at myself trying to delete him from my mind.

 **Please note the next part will most likely be in two point of views in the same chapter or it would be one super short chapter to get Christian out of the way.**

 **I also have another Fifty shades started if anyone would like to see that one.**


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